Is it OK to adopt a child with special needs?
My neighbor and his wife are having the worst time trying to conceive. The stress isn’t helping putting an incredible strain on the marriage. They have decided to go the adoption route. They have been told however that the only kids available right now are ones with special needs (i.e. autism). They are prepared to give their love to a special child like this but there is a big roadblock. Her parents are "old country" east european and insist that they do not adopt such a child since in their old country these children were either euthanized or put in institutions. Now normally they would just ignore the parents but the parents will cut off the monthly "help" they get from them to pay the mortgage.
Should they listen to the parents and keep trying naturally, or should they adopt a less than perfect child? Thanks for your help as they are really at a crossroads 
OK, my choice of the phrase "less than perfect" is not my feelings, I was merely trying to mirror the feelings that the parents had instilled in them…no disrespect intended to any of Gods children 
Filed under: Adopt A Child
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"Stop! Struggling to Find the Right Answers to Your Questions About Adopting A Child or Baby"
If your "friends" are considering a child with special needs, then God Bless Them……….a challenge ON TOP of any adoption challenge in itself!!!! I say SUPPORT THEM!!!! If this is their choice, then be there for them. If the process they are going through (private or agency) says "this " is the only option, and they are questioning, then I say, have them EXPLORE OTHER ADOPTION OPTIONS………….. They may not be with the right agency, or maybe they are for "them"…………..In any case, as a friend, my best advice, is to be what you are……………….a true friend………
That is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. No child is perfect. How can you call a child with special needs "less than perfect"? That is terrible.
i think it’s great for people to adopt a child that is "less than perfect". raising children with special needs is harder than raising regular children. however, if her family is going to cut off their support, it would make no sense to adopt a baby and have no home to bring it back to. you know?
yes but do not insult them
If they’re willing to give the child the love, and attention it deserves then they should consider adopting. Because a child has special needs is an even bigger reason to adopt. They can be expensive, and people can get frustrated easily. If they can look past that, then the child will have an amazing life.
adopt the child if they are capable and willing to adopt a child with special needs go for it they are the ones who have to care for the child not the grandparents
tell them go ahead and adopt
the help they get from disabilty will replace the help from the parents
these checks are not a good reason to adopt a special needs child but in this case they will help since they are ready to love this child
hopefully eventually the parents will see that they are wrong and be able to love the child as grandparents
What a difficult situation! Maybe they could give their parents some information regarding "special needs" children. It seems they’re perspectives come from a place of ignorance. and to second another poster– no child is perfect. Ten fingers and toes doesn’t mean they won’t disobey, lie, disappoint like any other kid will. It’s part of growing up and testing boundaries. Good luck to them– I know God will send them the right child…
YESYESYES ofcourse special needs kids need love too but becareful adopting and taking care of one will cost BIG BUCKS
OF COURSE THEY SHOULD ADOPT THE CHILD ! SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN NEED A GOOD HOME MORE THAN THOSE THAT AREN’T MENTALLY CHALLENGED. HOW COULD YOU FORM YOUR LIPS TO CALL THEM IMPERFECT…HUN NO CHILD IS PERFECT ! EVERYONE HAS FLAWS, THAT’S LIFE AND THEY SURELY COULDN’T CHOOSE IF THEY HAD AUTISM OR NOT ! WELL GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS !!!
i dont think they should adopt a special needs child cuz thats the only option they have.People who adopt s/n children r really prepared and go looking for that kind of child. They prolly need to check out other adoption routes before doing that.
If they have no other choice adopt. It’s a lot of work to deal with a special needs child.
Some people would have no problem raising a child with special needs. On the other hand some people wouldn’t have the patience that it would require. These people need to make very sure of what they are able to provide as far as time and help from other family members. Also, if the child is difficult to deal with love is love. Just because it may not work as well as what they’d hoped, this is a child, not a car you can trade in.
Wow. They are ‘old country’ many children from Eastern europe are available for adoption and many are special needs as well. This seems to be a very deeply personal; decision for them to have to make. However, if they are willing and prepared to adopt a special needs child than they have a heart of gold and the love that this child needs. I thin they should go for it. the grandparents may eventually learn to accept and love this child, and if they do cut off help there are other ways to pay a morgage. Blackmail is no way to foster family relationships that are very much needed at this point in their marriage. Her parents should not become a major factor in their decision to start a family- regardless of where the family members originated from.
if the parents are going to be controlling and manipulative, I would do my own thing and tell my parents that as an adult I make my own choices. They can support me or butt out. Either way.. a person needs to live their own life over their parents lives
my nephew is 8 and is autistic and he is one of the smartest kids in his class. he is so funny, energetic and an absolute pleasure ro be around, he makes everyone in the same room as him smile. NO ONE is perfect but he is as close to it as he can get. autism is not a handicap. it is a condition where the child needs a routine and needs a little bit more clearer explanation of tasks and situation which, if anything is a good thing, as it keeps us all on our toes. any child who has any sort of condition is just a little different and its what makes them unique and they are no less capable of giving or recieving love as anyone else.
Special needs children are God’s special children. My niece is special needs and I thank the Good Lord every day for the wonderful people that adopted her and allowed us to stay in her life. If the parents cut off their help, then it is their loss because they will not only lose the respect of the children but will also lose out on a very special grandchild. I say they should go for it.
Good Luck
The thing is, if they conceived on their own they’re not guaranteed that their child won’t have any birth defects or special needs. Nothing is ever a guarantee. But, if they are willing and prepared to parent a special needs child, I say they attempt to adopt. There are so many children are waiting for parents!