What is the best age child to adopt? Should we adopt a single child or a sibling group?
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009 at
4:26 am
I just want input from adoptive parents so we can see what has worked for other couples. We want multiple children at some point but is it less expensive to do 1 adoption and adopt a group of children rather than a few separate ones a couple of years apart??
How hard is it to care for a child age 4-7 that may have emotional problems?? Is that something they grow out of or that proper parenting can resolve?
FYI:
We know we cannot have children on our own, we are married over 4 years, and we are Christians.
Thanks for your kind words on this delicate subject!! 
Filed under: Adopt A Child
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
"Stop! Struggling to Find the Right Answers to Your Questions About Adopting A Child or Baby"
Here is something to consider…. In most states, older children are not adopted as quickly as babies, therefore, there are a lot of children 5 and up that are in foster care awaiting possible adoption. You might think about contacting your local Child Protective Services and look into becoming a foster parent. You have to go through certain checks and training, but you can stipulate that you want to eventually adopt if the situation presents it’s self.
My sister and brother n law did this and they took on a 13 year old boy. He had a lot of emotional issues and after about 2 years he had to eventually be placed in a boys home because emotionally he did not want to be adopted. It was very sad for everyone involved, but necessary because he was very destructive to himself and others. They never did find another child to adopt, but they still have contact with the first boy.
The other thing that you might want to consider is that a lot of time the state will pay if you adopt a child over a certain age.
My suggestion is to do lots of research!
I’m certainly not an expert on this but I would have thought you take the child/ren you like and who are available and like you. If that is a single child or a group will depend. If there is a sibling group I don’t think you should split them up. Good luck with all this.
Change you name to Madonna.
That way is makes no diffrence about how you do it, what country, what laws there are, who gets hurt or what’s best for the child.
I’d say the earlier the better, the younger the children are the easier it will be for them to adjust to the new situation and may not remember too much down the road
It is honourable that you are considering this, even more so when you aren’t just looking for a baby.
Basically the older the child the harder it can be.
But it is the older children that need your help the most, in order to avoid a life in care and therefore not much of a future
My immediate vote would be for a sibling group. Its harder for groups to be adopted because there are so many. If you want multiple children, get a family. They need you more than single children. It will be harder because it will be such a huge change, but bigger families are great. Being with siblings would make a new situation that much easier, and the older ones can help with the younger kids. They can help you understand the group better and clue you in on eating habits, fears, or wishes that might not be in fostercare documents. You might even find a sibling group that has no emotional/health issues and is only still in the system because there are more than 2 kids. I’d want a sibling group just to keep them together. Imagine how much happier they would be to grow up together and know each other has a safe home!
I know a number of people who have adopted children around the age of 10 from broken homes, and they have had a lot of hard work with them, but have made progress after a year or so.
Even very young children can be damaged by the way they have been treated, but I’m sure it’s very rewarding.
If you adopt siblings you get twice the work and I’m not sure if them having each other would make it easier or harder for you to bond.
I was adopted when I was 4 with my sister who was 6 and my brother who was 3. That was the best decision ever. This way I knew I had ‘family’. The separation from my parents was easier but I had 2 ’security blankets’. This way it was easier to adjust becuase I was still with familiar people. I was more open to change because I wasnt going through it alone. And today I am so grateful because I dont have to look for my siblings or wonder if I have any. That took alot of strenght and love for my parents to do that becuase they took on alot taking 3 kids and my sister wasnt the easiest becuase she remembered more…but being with us also made a bad situation better. She would have been terrible if she was separated from us. Granted my twin wasnt adopted with us but I did find him 5 yrs ago. That was hard knowing I wasnt with my twin brother but he was also adopted by a great family. So I would suggest at least taking a brother and a sister. It may be a little harder at first but in the end its probably the best decision. You say you want a family so if you have the choice…save a family. They already lost their parents…its even harder to lose to your sister/brother as well.
Hope this helps. Good luck in your decision and God Bless!
Children 4-7 that have emotional problems are not hard to care for. They can be challenging at times, but so can any child at that age. With proper parenting and extra love they can get past the bulk of their "emotional problems" and lead very normal productive lives. I never adopted a child in this age range, but I foster parented a few and it was one of my favorites. Newborns are way easy, but they are more expensive too. I found that fostering toddlers between the ages of 1 1/2 to 4 was the most challenging because they had experienced a huge upset in their lives but they were still too young to verbalize how it affected them. They would act out in peculiar ways and it was hard to work them through what was bothering them. As for the cost, I’ve heard of some places that will charges less for multiple placements at once than separately. However, you’d have to check with your state and some local agencies to find out more particulars on that for your area. Best of Luck to you!
I think the best decision is to adopt a group of siblings. Apart from convenience and seeing it from a Christian point of view, I think if you have the chance to help 2 or 3, it is better than helping only 1.
I think it would be also cheaper, as you would have to go only through one adoption process, which is expensive, rather than having to do it all again when you’d like to adopt another child / other children.
What one of the answerers says is true, and his experience is a very important fact to be taken into account by you and your husband. Thinking of the children’s welfare, nothing better can happen to a group of siblings than being adopted altogether, rather than experiencing one more trauma being separated from each other. So go for it and adopt a group of siblings!!!! Just trust God’s Providence and everything will go fine.
Regarding age, I think the younger the children are the better, as you’ll have the chance to start everything form the very beginning with the children. Everything will be more "natural" both for you parents and for the children. Don’t miss the chance to enjoy all the different stages a child goes through.
Best wishes and God bless you for giving love to those who need it. Would love to know what your decision will be.
I personally would want to have it as young as possible, maybe from day one s/he was born. I think I would start with one, like a real thing. But if they had siblings, I wouldn’t split them up. But the older they get, the harder it will get for them and you to feel comfortable with each other. It will be easier to love each other when you start from a young age. Rather then half a teenager.
I’m also sorry that you can’t have children, but I think you are making a good choice here, good luck!!
I was in foster care for ten years and have been an advocate within the system since 1999, so my opinion is based off what I have seen in those capacities. The answer to your question is that there is no correct answer. It depends on the strengths of you and your husband in caring for children of a certain age. If you take in children "with special needs" you need to understand that the difficulty of their care will depend on what those specific needs are…for example, a child with oppositional defiant disorder or reactive attachment disorder will have different needs from a child who has been sexually molested or physically abused. You need to talk to your husband about what you think you can handle. Are there traits you feel you could not parent adequately? As an example, I would never take in a child with a history of firesetting, sexually abusing other children or hurting animals. These are my guidelines based on my capabilities and situation, but yours may be different. Also, the cost of a private adoption is going to be significantly greater than the cost of an adoption from foster care and foster care is where you would most likely find sibling groups, so if that is the path you take, you are more likely to have financial resources available for the children’s college savings and the like. Hope this helps.